Don’t mind me, I’m just waiting in toddler purgatory

Oh hey, it’s been well over a month since I have blogged! Why? Thirty-two pounds of blonde-haired energetic toddler is why. That’s right, just one toddler. Some people have TWO toddlers, and those people have my deepest sympathy. My toddler keeps me so perpetually exhausted that it’s all I can do to brush my teeth before dropping into bed at night. Yesterday was particularly challenging, starting out with an hour long battle of wills over breakfast. He tearfully refused to eat his scrambled eggs for such a long time that they eventually became a salmonella hazard and I had to throw them away. I took him outside for a walk to the park. He dawdled and tore leaves from the hedges and flowers of every house we passed on our way. Thank God in this case that I live in a neighborhood full of career-oriented women who aren’t home during the day to see my son assault their shrubbery. We decided to stay and play in our yard. He concentrated his energy on chasing the young man pushing a lawn mower next door, and then pulled out chubby fistfuls of arugula, pea vines, and the last of my spring radishes and threw them all over the front porch, the whole time yelling “OUTSIDE, MOMMA, OUTSIDE!!!”. He really likes being outside.

Someone please confirm my suspicions that mommy bloggers with multiple children have actually cloned themselves. I’m pretty sure one clone makes all of the cute crafts and supervises the simple-yet-luscios food photography, another one writes the thoughtful and concise articles that inevitably go viral or get picked up by HuffPo, a third actually cleans the house and takes care of children, while the fourth one is sitting in the closet drinking the cooking sherry straight from the bottle.

Eventually, after innumerable household chores and banal arguments, I strapped my little human cyclone into his high chair with some color crayons, grabbed a half-eaten bowl of leftover chocolate pudding, and meandered into the living room. Sitting on top of the mountain of laundry that overtook our couch two days ago, I scraped the pudding out of the bowl with my finger, and let my mind go blank. Three minutes later Small Boy started yelling “ALL DONE!!!!!” Apparently when he says “all done” what he really means is “dearie me, I seem to be unable to reach any of my art and calligraphy supplies! Would you be kind enough to retrieve them for me?”

This is what "all done" looks like
This is what “all done” looks like

So I haven’t posted in well over a month because the contents of my day are simply too dull. It’s not like I sit around all day, in fact, I usually don’t sit at all until Huzzybee arrives home in the evening and we eat dinner, but looking back on the dishes, laundry, endless hours at the park, grocery store trips, diapers, and tantrums, everything I do and every day is starting to simply become a gray smudge of labor-intensive but mind-numbing tasks.

This is just a very roundabout way of saying, I’ll start blogging again when I can muster the energy to think about something interesting. More interesting than the antics of my two-year old, that is.


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