The above is a photo of my cupboard after Huzzybee helped with the dishes. The careful observer will notice that there is a stick of butter on the top shelf, which is 8 feet from the ground. I’m not entirely sure why it is there. He has stacked a Corninware casserole dish atop three little glass prep bowls like an avant garde sculpture in a downtown gallery. You can’t see it, but the stacked casserole dishes were jammed so hard into the cupboard that the dishes behind them were all shattered. On the other side of the house, in the bedroom, all of the clothes were slovenly folded except mine, which were thrown into a heap on the bed.
He has genuinely been trying his hardest to be helpful, and having him around is more restful than our disastrous “vacation” that we took together to Portland: delicious for a day, thumb-twiddling after two days, catastrophically boring after 4 days (to be fair, it was our fault for visiting Portland in December). Twice a day at 10 a.m. and 6:30 p.m. he sits at the piano and hammers out “Maybe I’m Amazed” by Paul McCartney and hollers the lyrics to Small Boy’s great amusement. He provides thoughtful, well-meaning, and completely unappreciated critique of every single thing that I do, from how I sauté onions to which room I fold towels in. I ended that sentence in a preposition, and it will also be critiqued, I am sure, with some obscure grammar rule from a forgotten book that he read 15 years ago and still remembers because that is what genius software developers do in their spare time; they memorize useless knowledge so that years later they can recite it in haughty tones. Well guess what, Huzzybee – Strunk & White says ending sentences with a preposition is A-ok!
Last week, while a friend was at our house visiting, she saw Huzzybee amble through the living room in this flannel pajamas and shot me a sympathetic look. As she was leaving she said “good luck over the holidays, especially since your husband is home this week”. She is also married to a software developer and when her husband takes time off I swear her eye begins to twitch. Yes, sometimes engineers are more work than children.
I’m going to be in so much trouble when he reads this…