Toddler lesson of the day: never bring a toddler to your doctor’s appointment

I only have a few short minutes to write before Captain Destruction wakes up, but after an eventful morning at the doctor’s office I thought it would be helpful to other Reluctant Matrons out there to share some new lessons I learned today.

Lesson 1Don’t schedule your doctor visit before lunch and/or nap time (unless you want to physically drag your small progeny by the hands out of the elevator, sing stupid kid songs in the office lobby, and stuff crackers into his little mouth in order to keep him quiet).  Those toys your brought with you to keep him busy will never be as interesting as toddler-accessible water cooler in the corner.

Lesson 2Kid food that comes in squeeze pouches are the work of Satan. Has anyone EVER seen a kid who can resist the temptation to squeeze it as hard as possible, unleashing brightly colored geyser of sticky-yet-bland goo all over his hair and clothes?

Lesson 3Don’t keep tampons in your purse. It seems practical, but a wrapped tampon is more interesting to a toddler than Dora the Explorer, an iPad, and a new puppy all covered in chocolate. When my head was turned Small Boy fished in my purse with his plump little fingers, grabbed a tampon, unwrapped it, and flung it into the lobby. This bring me to my conclusion, and to …

Lesson 4Don’t bring a toddler into a doctor’s office, ever, unless the appointment is for them.


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