Toddler lesson of the day: toddlers can help you lose weight!

How, you ask? Well let me tell you, toddlers can be very effective diet helpers. I have condensed the essence of the toddler diet program into three simple steps:

1. Exercise. The toddler never stays still and as a consequence, neither do you. In addition, the toddler eventually learns to run and once this new skills is acquired it is practiced for hours. This seemingly endless enthusiasm for running makes the toddler an excellent personal trainer. If you need a little workout, try taking your toddler to a park that is bordered by a busy street. You will find that the child is attracted to the street, despite the sandbox and playground toys that all of the other toddlers seem to be enjoying like they’re supposed to. You will get a fantastic amount of exercise as you chase your errant toddler away from the street and back towards the playground.  Because our yard still doesn’t have a fence and we live on the corner of two streets I am fortunate enough to repeat this exercise every single day.  The fear of my toddler’s attraction to the street causes my stress level to skyrocket, giving me a calorie-burning high heart rate.  Double the fun!

2. Portion control. Yes, you have made the toddler’s favorite foods for dinner: zucchini, pasta, chicken, peaches, whatever. In order to help you control your own eating the toddler will throw his food on the floor and demand to eat yours instead, thus limiting the amount of calories you can intake.  If you stubbornly refuse to relinquish 3/4 of the contents of your plate the toddler will be forced to toss a couple of handfulls of slimy yogurt in your direction, thus rendering your food too unappetizing to eat.

3. Distraction. After the toddler has raided your dinner plate he will follow up and make sure you don’t sneak more food by thrashing and squirming until you release him from his high chair. Then he will wander off underneath someone else’s table at a restaurant, forcing you to abandon any thoughts of eating a full meal. While your food grows cold you repeat step 1, Exercise by dragging your child outside and letting him “get the wiggles out”. In the mean time your husband thoughtfully chews on his fajitas camaron in the restaurant, by himself.

No bitterness, just truth.

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