This is what happens when the sun starts to shine in Washington:
1. People start discussing sun breaks. It’s a term that even the weather man uses, and it means that the sun comes roaring out of the clouds for 7 to 10 minutes, all of the pale little creatures at their desks and in their houses race to the windows to look at it…and then the rain starts again, which brings me to…
2. Sun showers. Yes, even when the sun is out and shining bright, it can STILL BE RAINING. Don’t ask me how it works, ask Cliff Mass, local weather god.
3. Coffee consumption stays stable, but cafe patrons start insisting on sitting outside in the balmy 50 degree weather.
4. Lawn mowers fire up like car engines at a demolition derby. The rain always comes back before the lawn is completely mowed.
5. Tourists who are fortunate enough to be in town on a sunny day in Seattle sell their perfectly nice homes and move here. After the Washington winter is over (7 1/2 months of rain and gloom from mid-October until the end of June) they either pass their initiation, or move back to where they came from and start seeing a therapist.
6. On the shores of Lake Washington, shivering, blindingly pale teenagers strip into their swim suits and try to get a tan in 65 degrees. Do goosebumps tan?
7. Cars are slower on the roads because the drivers have all lost their sunglasses and their pupils don’t remember how to dilate against bright light.
8. The vampires retreat to their lairs up in Forks, WA and all of the other sun haters sit inside, blogging. (Note, although I am sitting on side on a sunny day, blogging, I am not a sun hater).
9. The slugs start their slimy parade across the land, leaving goo and destroyed vegetation in their path.
10. Seattelites start smiling and talking to each other and floating two or three inches off the ground. Guitar-playing douches set up shop under the cherry trees at the University of Washington campus.